Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
