i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize