You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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