I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
