Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
