Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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