one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
