when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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