Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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