The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
