Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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