so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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