At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
