toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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