I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just had sex on a roof
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
