Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
