Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
