3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
