Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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