The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
