well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
