Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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