woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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