Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
