Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Randomize
