Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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