Whoa Z and x make the same sound
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
