I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
