Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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