I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
