You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
