Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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