I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
