he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Text me some of your sweat
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
