it hurts more in the daytime
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize