I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I bet he comes in French.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
