I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
