dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
