so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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