Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
