Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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