No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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