so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
