Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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