I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
