dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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