and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
