I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
