hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
