is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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