Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
