I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
