is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
