did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I AM VODKA MAN
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
