I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
