ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
