Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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