When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
