The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize