Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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