Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
