I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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