I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
