Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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