I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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